Television                                                                                   Reflection 747 words                                                  Copyright May 2021         

 Howard R Music

 

If you walk into my house while the television is on, you'll think it is the year 1965.  Except for the news and weather, I seldom watch anything filmed within the last three or four decades.  For reasons that elude me modern writers either cannot or, are not allowed to produce a script that does not revolve around overt sexual content or bodily functions.  Not to mention the only giggles to the punchlines are generated by the laugh-track machines.

I'm no prude.  I was a construction worker most of my life and the majority of my friends are bikers, with a smattering of artists and musicians, who are not exactly known for their conservative cultural habits.  Crude jokes are a given around hard working men pounding nails all day, and a relief from a grinding routine, but in your living room with young kids, not so much.

The digital broadcast stations that can be picked up by an old-fashioned antenna are a god-send.  You can actually hear funny jokes that have nothing to do with passing gas or masturbating.  And, you don't have to explain to a six-year-old why that weird old man with a beard is wearing a dress.

Who cares if the shows are re-runs? A lot of us in the 60s and 70s were in the military stationed out of country.  There were no satellite or cable television so we were unable to watch the new shows at the time.  Even if you were stateside during the time of analog antennas, if you were too far away all you could get on some channels was snow, or a picture too blurry to watch.  So even fifty-year-old sitcoms and dramas are new to some of us geezers.

The older shows and movies (to me, anyway) are much easier to understand than modern counterparts.  If an antagonist gave John Wayne a hard-time, he'd punch them out.  If they continued being obnoxious, he'd shoot them.  End of story.

On the Dick Van Dyke comedy, though he and his wife slept in twin beds, everyone knew when the camera was off that he was making some night-moves (they had a kid and he wasn't delivered by a stork) and there was no need of an episode where the couple was caught doing the hokey-pokey on the kitchen table

The Dating Game was an innocent show where bachelors or bachelorettes would ask questions of three potential dates and at the end would choose one.  The key word was "date" not "trick."

The modern version is the "Who's The Daddy Game?" where a female contestant narrows down the father of her child via DNA testing to either the Green Bay Packers or the Dallas Cowboys, depending on which teams were in town on the day of conception.

Imagine if the standards we see today were in place in the 50s and 60s.  What criteria would apply to the story-line of popular shows back then?

Leave It To My Beaver - The story of a young coed who uses her natural ass-sets to pay her way through college.

I Wet-dreamed of Jeanie - A sitcom about a downed astronaut on a deserted island who finds a hot girl with magical abilities and rubs a lot more than just her bottle.

My Three Transgender Sons - A fathers' fun-loving kids use their summer work money to pay for sex-change operations.

Mr. Ed - An architect with a nubile, young wife spends most of his time in the barn with his horse who talks dirty to him.   An animal lover in more ways than one.

Then Came Bronson - The adventures of a randy biker with a heavy, throbbing machine between his legs and a nice Harley, too.

Have Gun Will Travel - A western featuring a cowboy gigolo with a long six-shooter, who also carries a revolver.

Petticoat Junction - Loveable comedy about a house of ill refute located near a rail-line whose customers ride the steam train in for a little locomotion.

Rawhide - Another western about a dance hall girl who loves ropes and whips and takes on all the drovers on a trail drive.  Gives a whole new meaning to the term, "head 'em up!  move 'em out!"

If the television is on in my house there's a good chance it'll be black and white.  *

 End

 

*  I've watched so many black and white movies that I wrote a song about it, here.

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